YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
