Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
