Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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