I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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