i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
