I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
