he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
