im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
