just tell him i said nine months
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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