Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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