Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize