she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
