if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
