I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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