im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize