oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
