C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
