I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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