Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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