We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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