i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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