the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
