2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
