They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
