how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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