my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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