...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
