I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
