we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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