Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
