I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
