Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
is it fun? or sober?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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