All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
