yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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