my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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