He uses pillows to masturbate.
she looked like the before picture.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
