He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
