When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
