my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
