Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize