I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
