Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
