i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
