Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
