she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
