Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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