this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't deserve a penis
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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