I haven't been this sober since birth.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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