Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize