Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
