I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
