I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
