Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
