Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
