better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
