I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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