At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
