Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
