he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
