it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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