Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think my moral compass just broke
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