So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
