so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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