i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
