She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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