do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
