had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The adults are the big ones right?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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