Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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