you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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