i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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