She is in my trunk
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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