Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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