I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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