My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
