I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
