Pappa wants mamma naked
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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