I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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