Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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