I wish i was in the wii world.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
