Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
