I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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