you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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