1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
