Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
