why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
where am i from again
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
