This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
