I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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