if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
