If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize