It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
