i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
