Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
