Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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