tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
