This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
