Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We are all done wearing pants today
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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