I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
