well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is her dick bigger than yours?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize