I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
