He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
