rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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