Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
